ACRYTE — The Original Behavioral Corrective

Section One · Self-Diagnosis

What did you do?

Select the incident. The apothecary will measure your dose. Be honest — it knows.

Undiagnosed

Select an incident to receive your prescription.

Section Two · Posology

Measured by severity of conduct. Do not exceed one gallon in a single sitting unless the situation genuinely calls for it.

Dose	Indicated for
1 Shot	Texting your ex at 1 a.m. Sighing loud enough for the whole room. Being “just honest.”
2 Shots	Fighting the bartender over a tab you owe. Going off at church. Telling somebody about themselves at work.
1 Pint	Starting it at the function. Again. Airing the family’s business at the cookout. Spades-related violence.
1 Gallon	Banned from Applebee’s. You know what you did. Everybody knows what you did.

Section Three · Unsolicited Affidavits

Collected from persons who formerly did not act right.

I have not been asked to leave a single establishment since October.

D. W. — Aurora, Colo.

My mother speaks to me again. I don’t know what’s in it. I don’t ask.

Tanya R. — verified purchaser

Took a gallon before Thanksgiving. Said nothing about anybody’s weight. Not one word.

Marcus, 41

I used to be the reason we had to find a new barber shop.

Name withheld by court order

Section Four · Cautions

May cause accountability, humility, and the sudden ability to hear your own volume.
Do not operate a group chat while under the influence.
Some users report an unprompted urge to call their mother. This is working as intended.
If acting right persists longer than four hours, this is normal. Do not panic.
Not for use by persons who were, in fact, right the whole time. (There are fewer of you than you think.)
Discontinue use if you begin apologizing to people who have not yet accused you of anything.
Keep out of reach of anyone still saying “I’m just built different.”
Acryte does not undo what you said. Acryte only prevents the next one.

Section Five · Formulation

Proprietary blend. Distilled in small batches, aged until somebody learns something.

Percent daily value not established. Nothing about this has been established.